What kept me going?

You remember that feeling as a child where you would get swept off your feet by tales of dragons and fire? That basically encapsulated my entire childhood. The sound of swords clashing and brave acts of heroism always incited that twinkle in my eye. And through all of these stories, there was one thing in common that all my favorite characters had: determination. From Harry Potter to Hiccup, every single one of these characters faced hardships and triumphantly came out the other side.

But of course, bravely leading your troops to victory isn’t as easy as they make it seem, as real life is vastly different from the movies I fixated on. But I found that a small spark of determination could change everything.

When choosing a high school, past-me decided to pick SMA 3 Yogyakarta, which was well known as a pretty hard school to get into. However, I was determined to at least give it my all. So I studied, did every single practice question I got, revised my notes, and probably annoyed my teachers with my endless questions. All that for one big test that determined whether I would get accepted or not. So out of pure determination, I kept at it every day until that very fateful day of the test.

Fast forward, I got in and started my high school days there. To say the least, it was a whirlwind of assignments, tests, events, and organizations. That in itself required a handful of determination and perseverance to keep on track, be it focusing 100% on academics, balancing it with events, or even committing to an organization. What I did was audition for the French horn once orchestra recruitments opened up, or in our school, it was called Padzchestra. After passing the audition, I stuck with the horn; however, I realized the passion I had for it led me to delve deeper and practice. The more I learned about it, the more I was determined to get good at it. And so, with the support of my teacher, I started practicing every day for hours on end, and for months, that’s exactly what I did daily until I could play a movement from a concerto. Even on days that were long or I had stacks upon stacks of assignments, it was that spark of determination that kept me going.

Moreover, SMA 3 Yogyakarta was famously known for their events, which we had to prepare for months, especially for bigger ones. Again, it consisted of meetings, staying late at school, all the while balancing academics and the possible quiz we might’ve had the next day. It was such an amazing time, but if I wasn’t determined or had half the support I got from the people around me, I wouldn’t have persevered.

As a child, I had always dreamt of studying abroad, and so in high school, I applied for the United World Colleges program or UWC for short. Consisting of 3 stages, I had to write essays, online interviews, and much more. As I entered the 3rd and final phase of the selection, I met some of the most wonderful people I know, and while I didn’t get accepted, I knew I was glad I tried, as I still keep in touch with some of them up until now.

And so, as we entered the last year of high school, it also meant we were nearing college application season. The dream was to study abroad, but if I were to do that, I also knew I had to get a scholarship. So I went to education fairs, info sessions from school about studying abroad, asked seniors who were abroad, obtained information from my guidance counselor, and of course, did my own research.

Of course, looking at universities, deciding your major, and funding opportunities didn’t happen in a day, or even a month. I’ve been looking at universities for years now, and while I never seriously locked in an answer, I knew it would give me an advantage. So when delving deeper into more universities in year 12, it wasn’t as hard trying to get information, as I knew where to look. Ultimately, this led me to apply to more than 20 universities in the USA alone, give or take. And knowing applications there, you would have to write heaps of essays, and heaps of essays I did write.

It was a lot of ruminating, asking for feedback, and studying what makes a good essay. Writing an abundance of essays was also a pain, but every single hardship and challenge has taught me a lesson worth learning. More than that, it was around the same time where I had to record my horn repertoires for auditions, which only added to the long list of things I had to complete.

I was able to get accepted but only with a partial scholarship, and so I had to let them go. However, I had also applied to the Garuda scholarship with my Monash acceptance letter, which wasn’t easy, as they had a ton of requirements we had to fulfill. But with the support of my parents, the school, as well as my amazing friends, I finished the application and sent it on its way.

One of the challenges I’d say was taking the SATs, short for Scholastic Assessment Test. Not only did I have to take it for Garuda, but since I was applying to universities in the US, it was practically a must. And so began the studying as I reviewed math and delved deeper into the English language with my friends.

The day of the scholarship announcement, I happened to be in orchestra rehearsals. It truly was a funny story, as I fully believed there was an interview stage, so when I opened the announcement that popped up in confetti with hints of green, I sent a screenshot to my mom and continued practicing. We only found out later that I was awarded the scholarship around midnight. It was slightly anticlimactic, but I’d say we still had a funny time “celebrating” it.

As I prepared for my departure to Melbourne, it was another whirlwind of visa applications, living arrangements, and packing. And as I waved goodbye to my parents at the airport, we were Melbourne bound.

Sitting now in my chair typing this out, I look back and see that everything I did had such an important role shaping me into who I am today. If not for the experiences and the people, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.

Determination can be hard to find, but all it takes is a small push, so try out for that team you’ve always wanted to but not sure you’re capable of, join that event you saw on social media, register for that opportunity, they say the world is your oyster, or something. What I’m trying to say is put yourself out there! Stay determined and persevere through it all, it seems hard when you’re in the trenches, but you’ll see how far you’ve gone once you look back. I promise it’s all worth it so long as you give it your all.

P.S. Huge thanks to everyone who has been part of my journey! If you ever need anything, you know how to find me.

Nichole Vivienne Pang